Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story Chapter 16~18

Chapter 16Heart warm up and UL-ApprovedT here was a bum quiescency on the paving crosswise the street from the loft when they re bowl everyplaceed. Tommy, full of fast solid food and the elation of being twice laid, compulsi unityd to give the make fun a dollar. Jody halt him and pushed him up the steps. Go on up, she said. Ill be in that respect in a minute.She s a bidd in the entryway observance the bum for movement. There was no cacoethes signature around him and she assumed the worst. She waited for him to roll oer and exit laughing at her again. She was feeling strong and a little self-assertive from the infusion of Tommys blood, so she had to fight the urge to lodge the vampire, to soak up defunct in his face and scream. Instead she underweight whispered, Asshole, and idioticd the door. If his hearing was as acute as her own, and she was sealed it was, he had heard her.She shew Tommy in spang, fast asleep.Poor guy, she thought, running every(prenominal) over town doing my business. He probably hasnt slept much than a get hold of to maturateher of hours since we met.She pulled the covers over him, kissed him on the forehead, and went to the window in the front partner to watch the bum across the street.Tommy was imagine of bebop-driven sentences read by a naked redheader when he woke to strike her sleeping abutting to him. He threw his arm over her and pulled her close, however at that place was no response, no pleasant groan or reciprocal snuggle. She was protrude.He pushed the light stubon on his watch and canvass the measure. It was almost noon. The room was so relentless that the watch dial floated in his vision for a few seconds subsequently he released the merelyton. He went to the crapper and fumbled around until he build the light switch. A single fluorescent tube c shell and s vomit uptered and at colossal last ignited, spilling a fuzzy green glow d oneness and finished the door into the chamber. She looks dead, he thought. Peaceful, besides dead. Then he looked at himself in the derriere mirror. I look dead too.It took him a minute to realize that it was the fluorescent firing sour that had sucked the intent show up of his face, non his vampire girlfriend. He affected a serious glare and thought to the highest degree how they would describe him in a hundred years, when he was re altogethery famous and reall(a)y dead.Like so m almost(prenominal)(prenominal) great writers originally him, Flood was known for his troubled appropriate and sickly pallor, especially under fluorescent lighting. Those who k wise him said that even in those early years they could sense that this thin, serious green human being would present his presence known as a great man of garner as well as a sexual dynamo. His bysetacy to the humanness was a trail of great books and broken hearts, and although it is well known that his pass on it international life was his masterfall, he f elt no grief, as illustrated in his Nobel kale acceptance speech I necessitate followed my penis into hell and returned with the story.Tommy motion late before the mirror, railroad careful to keep the Nobel Prize medal from thumping the sink, hence began to interview himself, speaking clearly and slowly into his tooth dragwood.I cipher it was shortly afterwards my first successful bus transfer that I realized the City was mine. here(predicate) I would produce some of my superlative work, and here I would bear upon my first wife, the lovely that deeply disturbed JodyTommy waved the microphone/toothbrush away(predicate) as if the memories were too nasty to recall, merely actually he was trying to remember Jodys last name. I should know her maiden name, he thought, if conscionable for historical purposes.He glanced into the bedroom where the lovely exactly deeply disturbed Jody was fabrication naked and half-covered on the bed. He thought, She wont mind if I wake h er up. She doesnt go through to be at work or anything.He approached the bed and stirred her cheek. Jody, he whispered. She didnt stir.He shook her a bit. Jody, honey. nonhing.Hey, he said, taking her shoulders. Hey, wake up. She didnt respond.He pulled the covers off her as his father used to do to him on cold wintertime mornings when he wouldnt derive up to go to school. Up and at em, sol perishr ass in the air and feet on the cut push down, he said in his best drill-sergeant bark.She looked really great lying there naked in the half-light from the bathroom. He was getting a little turned on.How would I feel, he thought, if I woke up and she was making love to me? wherefore, I believe that I would be pleasantly surprised. I cypher that would be offend than spread-eyed up to frying bacon and the Sunday funnies. Yes, Im sure shell be pleased.He crawled into bed with her and ventured a tentative kiss. She was a little cold and didnt move a musculus, but he was sure she bidd it. He ran a finger down the valley between her breasts and over her permit.What if she didnt wake up? What if we do it and she doesnt wake up at all? How would I feel if I woke up and she told me that we had through it era I slept? Id be fine with it. A little sad that I missed things, but I wouldnt be mad. Id meet ask her if I had a good time. Women are different, though.He tickled her fair(a) to get a reaction. Again, she didnt move.Shes so cold. With her not moving at all it index be a little morbid. Maybe I should wait. Ill tell her that I thought ab bug erupt it and decided that it wouldnt be courteous. Shell wish well that.He sighed deeply, got out of bed and pulled the covers over her. I should buy her something, he thought.Jody snapped into consciousness and bit down on something hard. She assailable her eyes and saw Tommy sitting on the edge of the bed. She smiled.Good morning, he said.She r apieceed for whatever was in her oral cavity.Tommy caught her p ot. Dont bite down. Its a thermometer. He checked his watch, indeed pulled the thermometer out of her mouth and read it. Ninety-five transmit twain. Youre on your way.Jody sit up and looked at the thermometer. On my way to what?He smiled bashfully. On your way to body temperature. I bought you an electric blanket. Its been on for akin six hours.She ran her hand over the blanket. Youve been warming me up?Pretty cool, huh? Tommy said. I went to the library and got books too. Ive been learning all afternoon. He picked up a stack of books and began to shuffle through them, reading the titles and handing each to her in turn. A Readers Guide to Vampirism Vampire Myths and Legends Those That Stalk the Night signifier of an ominous title, huh?She held the books as if they were made of wormy fruit. The covers depicted monstrous creatures salary increase from coffins, attacking women in various states of undress, and hanging around castles perched on austere mountains. The letters in the titles dripped blood. These are all rough vampires?Thats just the nonfictional prose that they had on hand. I directed a bunch more through the library exchange. Check out some of the fiction. He picked up other(prenominal) stack from the floor.A Feast of Blood Red Thirst Fangs genus Dracula Draculas Dream Draculas Legacy Fevre Dream The Vampire Lestat there must imbibe been a hundred novels.Jody, a little overwhelmed, stared at the books. There sufferms to be a theme here on the covers.Yeah, Tommy said. Vampires gullm to have an phylogenetic relation for lingerie. Do you have any particular craving for sexy nightgowns?Not really. Jody had always thought it a little silly to spend a lot of money on something that you only put on yen large for someone to take it off you. Evidently, though, if you went by these book covers, vampires looked at lingerie as garnish.Okay, Tommy said, picking up a notebook from the floor and making a check mark. No lingerie fetish. Ive made a list of vampire traits with boxes to check either fact or fiction. Since you missed the lecture, I guess well have to just test them.What lecture?Tommy put down his pen and looked at her as if shed gotten into the express lane with a cartful of groceries and a devil-party check. Everybody knows that theres always an orientation lecture in vampire books. commonly it comes from some old professor guy with an accent, but sometimes its other vampire. You obviously missed the lecture.I guess so, Jody said. I must have been busy chasing women in lingerie.Thats okay, Tommy said, returning to the list. Obviously you dont have to sleep in your native soil. He checked it off. And we know that everyone you bite doesnt necessarily turn into a vampire.No, a jerk, maybeWhatever, Tommy said, moving on in the list. Okay, cheer is blighted for you. He made a check mark. You abide repose a house without being invited. How about running water?What about it?Vampires arent supposed to be a ble to cross running water. Have you attempt crossing any running water?Ive taken a couple of showers.Then that would be fiction. Let me disembodied spirit your breathing spell. He bent close to her.She turned her head and shielded her mouth. Tommy, I just woke up. Let me brush my teeth first.Vampires are supposed to have the fetid breath of a predator, or, in some cases, breath like the rotting nose out of the offensive house. Cmon, give us a whiff.Jody reluctantly breathed in his face. He sat up and considered the list.Well? she asked.Im conceiveing. I direct to get the dictionary out of my reasoncase.What for?Im not sure what a charnel house is. shtup I brush my teeth while you look?No, wait, I might need other whiff. He went to his suitcase and dug out the dictionary. temporary hookup he looked up charnel house, Jody cupped her hand and smelled her own breath. It was bonny foul.Here it is, he said, putting his finger on the word. Noun. A mausoleum or morgue. A struct ure where corpses are buried or stored. See morning breath I guess that we check fact on that one.Can I brush my teeth now?Sure. Are you sacking to shower?Id like to. why?Can I help? I mean, youre much more entrancing when youre not room temperature.She smiled. You really know how to charm a girl. She got out of bed and went into the bathroom. Tommy waited on the bed.Well, come on, she said as she turned on the water. unrelenting, he said, leaping to his feet and wrestling out of his shirt.She stopped him at the bathroom door with a firm hand on the chest. One second, mister. I have a question for you.Shoot.Men are pigs fact or fiction?Fact Tommy shouted.Correct You win She leaped into his arms and kissed him.Chapter 17This Months Makeover The Faces of headacheSimon McQueen had in one case climbed onto the stand of a ton of pissed-off beef named Muffin and been right away stomped into mush in front of an amazed rodeo crowd, and static managed to pinch the permeate of a female paramedic as he was carried away on a stretcher, singing a garbled version of Ive Got Friends in pocket-size Places. Simon McQueen had once picked a fight with a gang of skinheads and managed to fancy trio of them unconscious before a knife in the stomach and a jackboot to the head rendered him helpless. Simon had jumped out of an airplane, fallen off the chapiter of a Lutheran church, run over a police car in his pickup truck, smuggled a thousand pounds of marijuana across the border from Mexico inside a stuffed cow, and swum halfway to Alcatraz Island on a boldness before the Coast Guard fished him out of the verbalize and revived him. Simon had done all these things without the slightest tic of fear. But tonight, laid out across register 3 in his skintight Wranglers and his endangered-species Tony Lama boots with the silver spurs, his black Stetson pulled down over his face, Simon McQueen was scare. Frightened that one of his deuce great secrets was about to change by re versal known.The other Animals were sharing tales of their weekend adventures, exaggerating aspects of binges and babes, while Glint professed to God that they knew not what they did.Simon sat up, pushed foul his Stetson, and said, Yall wouldnt know a piece of ass if it pissed upside your head.The Animals fell silent, each trying to formulate a new and exciting way to tell Simon to fuck off, when Tommy came through the door.Fearless attracter Lash exclaimed.Tommy grinned and faked a tap-dance step. Gentlemen, he said. I have reached out and touched the face of God film at eleven.Simon was wildly irritated by this added distraction from his worrying. What happened, you go down to Castro Street and get converted?Tommy waved the tittle-tattle away. No, Sime I tush call you Sime, cant I? You see, last night, about this time he checked his watch there was a naked redhead hanging from the ceiling of my new loft, reading Kerouac aloud to me. If I die now, it was not all in vain. Im ready to throw stock. Hows the truck?A heroic one, Troy Lee answered. Three thousand cases. But the kicking is, the scanner is broken. We have to use the order books.Troys comment jabbed Simon like bad gas pain. He considered discharge plateful sick, but without his help the Animals would neer be able to finish the truck before morning. A strong-armer of fear rose in his throat. He couldnt use the order books. Simon McQueen couldnt read.Lets get to it then, Tommy said.The Animals threw themselves into their work with an abandon they usually reserved for partying. Razor box-cutters whizzed, price guns clicked, and unlifelike piled up in shoulder-high drifts at the ends of the aisles.In addition to throwing the unornamented-large load, they had to allow an extra hour to write their stock orders. Normally the orders were done with a bar-code scanner, but with the scanner down, each man would have to go through a huge loose-leaf order book, writing in items by hand. By 5 A.M. they had most of the stock on the shelves and Simon McQueen was considering letting his box-cutter slip and cutting his leg so he could escape to the emergency room. But that might bring on a secret worse than illiteracy.Tommy came into Simons aisle carrying the order book. You better get scrawled, Sime. He held out the book and a pencil.I put away got a hundred cases to throw, Simon said, not aspect up. Let someone else come in.No, youve got the biggest section. Go ahead. Tommy bumped Simon on the shoulder with the book.Simon looked up, then dropped his cutter and slowly took the book from Tommy. He open(a) the book and stared at the page, then at the ledge, then at the book.Tommy said, beau monde light on the juices, weve got a lot of stock in the gage room.Simon nodded and looked at the book, then at the shelf of vege accedes before him.Tommy said, Youre on the impose on _or_ oppress page, Simon.I know, Simon snapped. Im just maintaining my place. He flipped thr ough the pages, then stopped on a page of cake mixes and began flavour at the shelf of vegetables. He could feel Tommys gaze on him and wished that the skinny-little-faggot-book-reading-prick-bastard would just go away and leave him alone. Simon.Simon looked up, his eyes pleading.Give me the book, Tommy said. I stand for Im going to order everybodys section tonight. Itll give you guys more time to throw stock and I need to get more familiar with the store anyway.I can do it, Simon said.I know, Tommy said, taking the book. But why waste your talent on this bullshit?As Tommy walked away, Simon took his first deep breath of the night. Flood, he called, Im buying the beers after shift.Tommy didnt look ass. I know, he said.Jody stood by the window in the dark loft watching the sleeping bum who assign on the sidewalk across the street and cursing under her breath. Go away, you bastard, she thought. Even as she thought it, she felt a measure of certificate in knowing merely where her enemy was. As immense as he lay on the sidewalk, Tommy was safe at the grocery store.She had never felt the need to protect someone before. She had always been the one looking for protection, for a strong arm to lean on. Now she was the strong arm, at least when the sun was down. She had walked Tommy down the steps and waited with him until the cab arrived to take him to work. As she watched the cab pull away, she thought, This must be how my mother felt when she put me on the school bus that first time except that Tommy doesnt have a Barbie lunch box. She kept an eye on the vampire lying on the sidewalk across the street.Hours passed at the window and she asked the same questions over and over again, advent up with no solution to her problem, and no logical system to the vampires behavior. What did he compliments? Why had he killed the old charwoman and leave her in the dumpster? Was he trying to frighten her, threaten her, or was there some kind of message to it all?Youre not immortal. You can still be killed.If he was going to kill her, why didnt he just do it? Why pretend to be a sleeping bum, watching her, waiting?He has to find shelter before daylight. If I can just outlast him, maybe Maybe what? I cant follow him or Ill be caught in the sunlight too.She went to the bedroom and dug the almanac Tommy had abandoned her out of her adventurepack. The sun would rise at 612 A.M. She checked her watch. She had an hour.She waited at the window until six oclock, then headed out of the loft to confront the vampire. As she went through the door she instinctively reached out to click off the lights, only to realize that she hadnt turned any on. If I live through this, she thought, Im going to save a fortune on utilities.She left the door at the top of the stairs unlocked, then went down the steps and propped the big fire door open with a soda can she found on the landing. She might have to get lynchpin in fast, and she didnt call for to be slowed down by keys and locks.Her muscles buzzed as she approached the vampire, the fight-or-flee instinct running through her like liquid lightning. A few feet away she picked up a foul smell, a rotting smell coming from the vampire. She stopped and swallowed hard.What exactly is it that you need? she asked.The vampire didnt move. His face was covered by the high collar of his overcoat.She took another step forward. What am I supposed to be doing?The smell was stronger now. She concentrated on the vampires hands, trying to sense some movement that would caution her of an attack. There was none.Answer me she demanded. She stepped up and pulled the collar away from his face. She saw the glossy eyes and a bone jutting from the neck just as a hand clamped across her face and jerked her pricker off her feet.She essay to reach rotter her to claw her attackers face but he jerked her to the side. She exposed her mouth to scream and two of his fingers slipped into her mouth. She bit down hard. Th ere was a scream and she was free.She wheel on her attacker, ready to fight, his severed fingers still in her mouth.The vampire stood before her, cradling his bloody hand.Bitch, he said. Then he grinned.Jody swallowed his fingers and hissed at him. Fuck you, asshole. Come on. She fell into a crouch and waved him on.The vampire was still grinning. The taste of vampire blood has made you brave, fledgling. Dont take it too far.His hand had stopped spurting blood and was scabbing over as she watched. What do you want?The vampire looked at the sky, which was turning pink, endanger dawn.Right now I want to find a place to sleep, he said too calmly. He ripped the scab from his fingers and slung a spray of blood in her face. Until we meet again, my love. He wheeled and ran across the street into an alley.Jody stood watching and shaking with the need for a fight. She turned and looked at the dead bum the decoy. She couldnt leave him here to attract police not this close to the loft. She glanced at the lightening sky, then hoisted the dead bum onto her acantha and headed back to the loft.Tommy ran up the stairs and carve up into the loft eager to share his discovery about Simons illiteracy, but once through the door, he was knocked back by a stinging stinking odor like bloated roadkill.Whats she done now? he thought.He opened the windows to air the place out and went to the bedroom, careful to open the door just wide enough to slip through without spilling sunlight on the bed. The smell was much stronger here and he gagged as he turned on the light.Jody was lying on the bed with the electric blanket pulled up to her neck. desiccate blood was crusted over her face. A wiggling wave of the get outies ran up Tommys prod, stronger than any he had felt since his father had first told him the secret of ball-park hot dogs. (Snouts and butt holes, Dad had said, during the seventh-inning stretch. Ive got the willies, said Tommy.)There was a note on the remain by Jodys head. Tommy crept forward and snatched it off the pillow, then backpedaled to the door to read it.Tommy,Sorry Im much(prenominal) a mess. Its almost dawn and I dont want to get stuck in the shower. Ill explain tonight.Call Sears and have them deliver the largest chest deep deep-freeze that they have. Theres money in my backpack. I missed you last night.Love,JodyTommy backed out of the room.Chapter 18Bugeater of the Barbary CoastTommy woke up on the futon feeling as if he had been through a two-day battle. The loft was dark but for the streetlights spilling through the windows and he could hear Jody running the shower in the other room. The new freezer was humming away in the kitchen. He rolled off the futon and groaned. His muscles creaked like rusty hinges and his head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton like a low-grade hangover not from the few beers he had shared with the Animals after work, but from the verbal b take in he had taken from the appliance salesman at Sea rs.The salesman, a round hypertensive named Lloyd, who wore the last extant leisure suit on the planet (powder blue with navy piping), had begun his assault with a five-minute dirge on the disappearance of double knits (as if a concerted effort by a Greenpeace team in white vinyl shoes and specie chains might bring double knits back from the brink of extinction), then segued into a half-hour lecture on the tragedies visited on those poor souls who failed to grease ones palms extended warranties on their Kenmore Freezemasters. And so, Lloyd concluded, he not only lost his job, his home, and his family, but that frozen food that could have saved the children at the orphanage spoiled, all because he tried to save eighty-seven dollars.Ill take it, Tommy said. Ill take the long-range warranty you have.Lloyd laid a fatherly hand on Tommys shoulder. You wont regret this, son. Im not one for high pressure myself, but the guys that sell these warranties after delivery are like the Mafia theyll call you at all hours, theyll hound you, theyll find you wherever you go and they will ruin your life if you dont give in. I once sold a microwave to a man who woke up with a horses head in his bed.Please, Tommy begged, Ill sign anything, but they have to deliver it right now. Okay?Lloyd pumped Tommys hand to start the flow of cash. Welcome to better nourishment through frozen food.Tommy sat up on the futon and looked at the behemoth freezer that was humming in the half-light of the kitchen. Why? he thought. Why did I buy it? Why did she want it? I didnt even ask for an explanation from her, I just blindly followed her instructions. Im a slave, like Renfield in Dracula. How long before I start eating bugs and howling at night?He got up and walked, in his underwear and one sock, into the bedroom the smell of decay was strong enough to make him gag. It was the smell that had driven him to sleep on the futon in the living room rather than crawl into bed with Jody. Hed fallen asleep reading Bram Stokers Dracula to get some perspective on the love of his life.Shes the devil, he thought, staring at the steam creeping out from under the bathroom door. Jody, is that you? he asked the steam. The steam just crept.Im in the shower, Jody said from the shower. Come on in.Tommy went to the bathroom and opened the door. Jody, we need to talk. The bathroom was thick with steam he could barely make out the shower doors.Close the door it smells in there.Tommy moved closer to the shower. Im worried about the way things are going, he said.Did you get the freezer?Yes, thats part of what I wanted to talk to you about.You got the biggest one they had, right?Yes, and a ten-year extended-service agreement.And its a chest model, not an upright?Yes, dammit, but Jody, you didnt even tell me why I was buying it and I just did it. Since I met you, its like I have no will of my own. Ive been sleeping all day. Im not doing any writing. I hardly even see daylight anymore.Tommy, you work midnight to eight. When do you think you would sleep?Dont twist my words. I will not eat bugs for you. Shes the devil, he thought.Will you do my back? She slid the shower door open and Tommy was transfixed by the water cascading between her breasts. Well? she said, cocking a hip.Tommy slipped out of his briefs, pulled off his sock, and stepped into the shower. Okay, but Im not eating any bugs.After a mad naked dash through the bedroom they sat on the futon toweling off and looking at the new freezer.It certainly is large, Jody said.I bought a dozen TV dinners so it wouldnt look so empty.Jody said, Youll have to take them out put them in the regular fridge.Why? I dont think theyll fit.I know, but I have something to put in there and I dont think youll want your TV dinners in there with it.What?Well, you know that bad smell in the bedroom?I was going to mention that. What is it?Its a body.You killed someone? Tommy slid away from her on the futon.No, I didnt kill anyone. Let me explain.She told him about the bum, about creeping up on him sentiment he was the vampire, and of the battle that ensued.Tommy said, Do you think he was trying to kill you?I dont think so. Its as if he wants to show me how superior he is or something. Like hes testing me.So you bit off his fingers?I didnt know what else to do.What was it like?Honestly?Of strain?It was a rush. It was an incredible rush.Better than drinking my blood?Different.Tommy turned his back on her and began to pout. Jody moved to him and kissed his ear.It was a fight, Tommy. I didnt come or anything, but I swear, I felt stronger after I after I swallowed.So thats why you were all crusty with blood when I got home?Yes, it was almost dawn when I got the body upstairs.Thats another thing, Tommy said. Why did you bring that stinky thing up here?The police already found one body at the motel, and they have my name. Now they find another that was killed in the same way right next to where we live. I dont think t heyd understand.So were going to keep it in the freezer?fair until I figure out what to do with him.Im not comfortable with you calling it him. unsloped until I figure out what to do with it, then.Theres a big bay out there.And how would you suggest that we get it down there without being seen?Ill think about it.Jody stood, wrapped a towel around herself, and walked back to the bedroom. Im going to put it in now you might want to transfer your TV dinners. She paused at the door. And Im out of clean clothing. Youre going to need to go to the Laundromat.Why dont you go?Jody regarded him gravely. Tommy, you know I cant go out during the day.Oh no, Tommy said. Dont pull that. I dont know of a single Laundromat thats not open all night. Besides, I cant be your slave full-time. I have to have some time to get some writing done. And I might be taking on a student.What kind of student?A guy at work Simon he cant read. Im going to offer to teach him.Thats refreshed of you, Jody said . She shook her hair out, let her towel fall to the floor, and struck a centerfold pose. Are you sure you dont want to do the laundry?No way. You have no power over me.Are you sure? She licked her lips sensually. Thats not what you said in the shower.I will resist her evil, Tommy thought. I will not give in. He stood and started gathering his clothes. Dont you have a body to move?All right then, Jody snapped. Ill do the laundry while youre at work tonight. She turned and went into the bedroom.Good. Ill be out here looking for some tasty bugs, Tommy whispered to himself.Midnight found Jody trudging down the steps with a trash bag full of laundry slung across her back. As she stepped onto the sidewalk and turned to lock the door she realized that she hadnt the slightest idea where to find a Laundromat in this neighborhood. The rolling steel door to the foundry was open and the two burly sculptors were working inside, bracing a man-sized smear mold for pouring. She considered asking t hem for directions, but thought it might be better to wait and meet them when she was with Tommy. The interior of the foundry was glowing red with the heat from the molten bronze in the crucible, making it appear to her heat-sensitive vision like hells own studio.She stood for a moment watching waves of heat spill out the top of the door, to swirl and dissipate in the night sky like dying paisley ghosts. She wanted to turn to someone and share the experience, but of feed there was no one, and if there had been, they wouldnt have been able to see what she saw.She thought, In the kingdom of the blind, a one-eyed man can get pretty lonely.She sighed heavily and was starting toward Market Street when she heard a perspicacious staccato tapping of toenails at her heels. She dropped the laundry and wheeled around. A Boston terrier growled and snorted at her, then backed away a few feet and fell into a yapping fit that bordered on canine apoplexy, his bug eyes threatening to pop out of hi s head.Bummer, stop that came a shout from the corner.Jody looked up to see a grizzled old man in an overcoat coming toward her wearing a saucepan on his head and carrying a wickedly pointed wooden sword. A golden retriever trotted along beside him, a smaller saucepan strapped to his head and two garbage-can lids strapped to his sides, giving the impression of a compact furry Viking ship.Bummer, come back here.The little dog backed away a few more steps, then turned and ran back to the man. Jody noticed that the little dog had a miniature pie pan strapped over his ears with a rubber band.The old man picked up the terrier in his free hand and trotted up to Jody. Im very sorry, he said. The troops are girded for battle, but I fear they are a bit too eager to engage. Are you all right?Jody smiled. Im fine. Just a little startled.The old man bowed. Allow me to introduce myselfYoure the Emperor, arent you? Jody had been in the City for five years. Shed heard about the Emperor, but shed o nly seen him from a distance.At your service, said the Emperor. The terrier growled suspiciously and the Emperor gourmandized the little dog, head first, into the big pocket of his overcoat, then buttoned the flap. Muffled growls emanated from the pocket.I apologize for my charge. Hes long on courage, but rather short on manners. This is Lazarus.Jody nodded to the retriever, who let out a slight growl and backed away a step. The garbage-can lids rattle on the sidewalk.Hi. Im Jody. Pleased to meet you.I hope you will acquit my presumption, the Emperor said, but I dont think its safe for a young woman to be out on the street at night. oddly in this neighborhood.Why this neighborhood?The Emperor moved closer and whispered. Im sure that youve noticed that the men and I are dressed for battle. We are capture a vicious, murdering fiend that has been stalking the City. I dont mean to alarm you, but we last saw him on this very street. In fact, he killed a friend of mine right across t he street not two nights ago.You saw him? Jody asked. Did you call the police?The police will be of no help, the Emperor said. This is not the run-of-the-mill scoundrel that we are used to in the City. Hes a vampire. The Emperor lifted his wooden sword and tested the point against the tip of his finger.Jody was shaken. She tried to calm herself, but the fear showed on her face.Ive frightened you, the Emperor said.No no, Im fine. Its just Your Majesty, there are no such things as vampires.As you wish, the Emperor said. But I think it would be prudent for you to wait until daylight to do your business.I need to do my laundry or I wont have any clean clothes for tomorrow.Then allow us to escort you.No, really, Your Majesty, Ill be fine. By the way, where is the nigh Laundromat?There is one not far from here, but its in the Tenderloin. Even during the day you wouldnt be safe alone. I really must insist that you wait, my dear. Perhaps by then we will have kill off the fiend.Well, Jo dy said, if you insist. This is my apartment, right here. She dug the key out of her jeans and opened the door. She turned back to the Emperor. Thank you.Safety first, the Emperor said. Sleep well. The little dog growled in his pocket.Jody went inside and closed the door, then waited until she heard the Emperor walk away. She waited another five minutes and went back onto the street.She shouldered the laundry and headed toward the Tenderloin, thinking, This is great. How long before the police actually listen to the Emperor? Tommy and I are going to have to move and we havent even decorated yet. And I hate doing laundry. I hate it. Im sending our laundry out if Tommy wont do it. And were going to have a cleaning lady some nice, dependable woman who will come in after dark. And Im not buying toilet paper. I dont use it and Im not going to buy it. And something has to be done about this asshole vampire. God, I hate doing laundry.She had deceased two blocks when a man stepped out o f a doorway in front of her. Hey momma, you need some help.She jumped in his face and shouted, Fuck off, horndog with such viciousness that he screamed and leaped back into the doorway, then meekly called Sorry after her as she passed.She thought, Im not sorting. It all goes in warm. I dont care if the whites do go gray Im not sorting. And how do I know how to get out bloodstains? Who am I? Miss Household Hints? God, I hate laundry.The clothes jumped and played and dived over each other like fabric dolphins. Jody sat on a flexure table across from the dryer watching the show and thinking about the Emperors warning. Hed said, I dont think its safe for a young woman to be out on the street at night. Jody agreed. Not long ago she would have been terrified if shed found herself in the Tenderloin at night. She couldnt even remember coming down here during the day. Where had that fear gone? What had happened to her that she could face off with a vampire, bite off his fingers, and carry a dead body up a flight of stairs and shove it under the bed without even a flinch? Where was the fear and detest? She didnt miss it, she just wondered what had happened to it.It wasnt as if she were without fear. She was afraid of daylight, afraid of the police discovering her, and of Tommy rejecting her and deviation her alone. New fears and familiar fears, but there was nix in the dark that frightened her, not the future, not even the old vampire and she knew now, having tasted his blood, that he was old, very old. She saw him as an enemy, and her mind casted for strategies to defeat him, but she was not really afraid of him anymore curious, but not afraid.The dryer stopped-fabric dolphins dropped and died as if caught in tuna nets. Jody jumped off the table, opened the dryer, and was feeling the clothes for dampness when she heard footsteps on the sidewalk outside the Laundromat. She turned to see the lofty black man she had chased into the doorway coming into the Laundrom at, followed by two shorter men. All three wore silver L.A. Raiders jackets, high-top shoes, and evil grins.Jody turned back to the dryer and started stuffing her clothes into the trash bag. She thought, I should be folding these.Yo, bitch, the tall man said.Jody looked to the back of the Laundromat. The only door was in the front, behind the three men. She turned and looked up at them. How about those Raiders? she said with a smile. She felt a pressure in the roof of her mouth the fangs extending.The three men split up and moved around the folding table to surround her. In another life, this had been her worst nightmare. In this life she just smiled as two of them grabbed her arms from behind.She saw a bead of sweating on the tall mans temple as he approached her and reached out to bust the front of her shirt. She ripped her right arm loose and caught the tall mans wrist as the sweat bead began to drip. She snapped his forearm and bones splintered though skin and muscle as she sw ung him, headfirst, through the glass door of the dryer. She reached over her shoulder and grabbed one of the Raider fans by the hair and smashed his face into the floor, then wheeled on her last attacker and shoved him back into the edge of the folding table, snapping his spine just above the hips and sending him spinning backward over a deck of washing machines. The bead of sweat hit the floor near the man with the smashed face.Amid the hum of fluorescent lights and the moans of the man with the broken back, Jody loaded the rest of her laundry into the trash bag. She thought, This stuff is going to be nothing but wrinkles by the time I get home. Tommys doing the laundry next time.As she reached the door she ran her tongue over her teeth and was relieved to find her fangs had retracted. She looked over her shoulder at the carnage and shouted, Forty-fucking-NinersThe man with the broken back moaned.